event horizon

in expanding the field of knowledge we but increase the horizon of ignorance.

henry miller

these thoughts are post-dated. i sent them a while a go but it has taken a while for sobriety to seep through the envelope.

today, normality resumed. all apart from the writing and my head.

there are reasons. a weekend spent draped in flame, red at its centre, fire and blood always. affiliation shifted and distant acquaintance became lover, over and over, for three days. her spectral touch, i imagine, is still here. she is a city; you can always feel the streets beneath you, even when sleeping.

i am enthused with new desire. the wrench of experience, a hungry aperture, tugs at my back and feet and trips me as i walk. i feel like i am about to be born. there is something important shaping upon the horizon, just where the sun has receded below the view. you are with me of course, watching and looking, but you are behind me also and to the side a little.

i know more now, and i want more.

this has nothing to do with language or intellect, nor institution and occupation. it is time to move, i feel a migratory pull toward that horizon, toward that thin and imperceptible hairline crack that runs across the picture, toward and beyond it and into it. the more i learn, the more i wish to run.

the functions of this country are unsustainable if you wish to think. with every new inhabitant met and every protocol endured, with every authority encountered and inhibition accepted, i reason less and am repelled more. i’m afraid to report, however, that the country will survive; the thinkers will not.

i am shrinking, and the horizon holds itself to account in front of me. it is an unknown, but alluring, and its brightness suggests complications.

the horizon is looming ignorance. i cannot wait for it.

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